The Golden Astronaut

***DO you believe, in... Innocence? ***

"Bhaiya..."

"Uhh..?"

"What is that one called?"

Young eyes followed the chubby lil fingers, pointing at the night sky. The young head tilted a lil to its right, then to left... trying to get the alignment right.

"It’s Orion, the hunter. You see, those three stars are its belt..." a belt of dusty brown leather filled up the gaps in the boy's eyes, "...three faint ones below it are the hunting knife..." with a rust brown handle, in a black leather sheath, "...and that's where his head is", fingers made the outline of a rough triangle and imagination filled in the head with long hair tied with a brown headband.

"Looks more like a butterfly to me..." the lil girl said, too sure to be apologetic, yet... her eyes seeking confirmation in her brother's eyes.

The young boy looked at her sister, lying down on her back on the tiled roof. She had her head turned at an awkward angle to the right. He smiled and turned to look at the dots he had always connected to find the hunter, only this time choosing to look the way his lil sister had just taught him.

"You're right... it IS a butterfly... like you." he couldn't hide the amazement in his voice. She couldn't hide the joy of triumph in her laughter, she always wanted to be a butterfly. He turned to look at her, her eyes brighter than any star shined back at him. But they were extinguished by the furious noises coming from downstairs, mom and dad fighting, again. He knew they were heading for divorce, and this might be last time... he shrugged the thought away from his mind as he saw her eyes well up and her shiver in the cold of the winter night.

He crawled up to her, and threw his arms around her, and hugged her... real tight. He could feel the sobs aching to break out.

"You know why we can't see stars during the day?" he tried to distract her.

"Yes." she said, wiping away tears that never came, smiling.

"Tell me." he sounded a bit surprised.

"You know, how you pull back curtains to wake me up in the morning, because is difficult to sleep with light on your eyes? So, earth's bhaiya also puts a blanket over her eyes every evening so that his lil sister can go to sleep. But you know, the blanket has all those tiny holes in it. What we call stars, are nothing but light sneaking through those tiny little holes in the blanket called night."

He thought of correcting her, but her eyes shone with more stars than ever present in the night sky, making him doubt if he really knew better than her. So he turned his gaze back towards the night sky, trying to see it in a way he had never seen before.

Swoosh. A star shot by. Swoosh. Then another. A smug grin spread across boy's face and he turned to his sister, "So, what are the shooting stars then? Can the holes move?"

"They're the light of the day that sneaks in, disguised as fireflies." she said as if it was too obvious a fact to be even explained. The boy couldn't help smiling again. She had her eyes closed and hands clasped in a prayer, she was wishing on the shooting star.

"What are you wishing for?"

"I am not supposed to tell" she said, but her hand reached for his comforting touch. And when she clasped it tight, he knew she didn't want to go. He searched the sky, for another shooting star, so he could wish... wish that they won't be separated just coz mom and dad were, but he couldn't find one. Tears welled up in his eyes.

And before he knew, there was a storm of fireflies, sneaking into the blanket... a meteor shower. And in middle of it all, a comet with its icy blue tail trailing across the sky. She squealed in delight. She got up, standing on her toes, reaching for the comet, as if trying to catch it. And then, the tile under her left feet gave away.

The tile slid across the sloping roof and crashed into the concrete below. The little girl fell on her back and followed the tile. Rest of the tiles followed in succession, like feed mechanism of a machine gun, falling one after another.

The young boy's eyes clouded by fear and tears, his own screams seemed to come from too far away. He carefully went to the edge of the roof, peered down. She was staring back at him. Blood had started to spread out, staining her frock in a deep shade of crimson, it spread out on either sides of her, white tiles falling into the puddle. Through his clouded eyes, she looked like a butterfly, crimson butterfly with white dots on her wings. Her lips were moving, she had a smile on her face. He could hear her voice in his head, she was saying something, but he couldn't understand... except for one word...

"Butterfly"

*******

** DO you believe, in...Co-incidence? **

"Time to wake up."

"I want to sleep." I shut my eyes tight and sink back to my bed.

"No bhaiya, its time to go to work. You must get up." she pulls the curtain away from the windows. I look at her.

"You know what time it is?" her lips don't move, but I can hear it in my head. I look around. Am in my room, it’s bathed in a bright white light, so is she... so radiant. The room looks just the way it was when I...

A pungent light hits my eyes. I open my eyes, look around. Out of the circular window I can see the sun emerging from behind the outline of clouds hovering over Australia. I push myself to get out of bed and float to the ceiling. Someone looking in from the outside would say I fell down in slow motion. That's the thing about space, directions are so relative.

"Now that's like my bhaiya." The voice in my head says. I smile, can't help it.

I swim to the wash bay and stare myself at the mirror. Pick up the toothbrush and squeeze the paste a bit too strongly, it starts to float around. If I don't rush, it will start splitting like a unicellular life form. Thankfully, it comes to rest on the mirror, and before it can figure out which direction to take, and whether to split up or not, I scoop it up. As my brush races across my mouth, my mind tries outpacing it.

They say when people die, they... drift away. Free from bonds of flesh and gravity, they return to space... wander about like ghosts, waiting for a speck of cosmic dust to latch on to, so that they can become, a star. But they are lucky ones... most just float around in space, the vast nothingness. Some catch asteroids or meteors passing by, in hope they will carry them to a cloud of stardust. But most, just wander about in space. Space... you can call it the biggest graveyard... every thought imagined, every word spoken, every idea conceived and every soul born drifts in it, till eternity.. or till it fulfils its cosmic destiny.

"You missed a spot over there." her voice tells me.

I've been on space station for hundred and eight days, twenty three hours, and sixteen minutes... forty two of those days all alone by myself, and counting. I am supposed to tell mission control about voice in my head when I give my daily report. But she tells me I don't need to. I listen to her, coz she's always right.

It was on eighth day alone I first heard her. "Butterfly".

There was a small rupture in the oxygen tank on East wing Level 2, too small to be detected by high precision sensors. Four useless hours spent in trying to locate the source of leak was driving me to the brink of insanity. It was then that I heard her voice, saying it ever so softly in my head... "Butterfly", still it seemed to have some external spatial origin. I followed the voice and it led me to the leak.

Being alone, many times I've found myself facing situations I wasn't prepared for, that being part of the experiment. Each time, she's helped me. Many times she's given me advice that seemed illogical, irrational... even life threatening. Each time, I've followed her against my own wishes. And every single time, she's been right.



But all that, is about to change today... or is it?

*******

* DO you believe, in... Destiny? *

"Don't be afraid. Everything will be alright. Trust me." she says.

I take a deep breath.

Few hours ago an asteroid shower damaged a major part of the thrust boosters on the right wing, in fact severing one of it from the main body of the station. I had instructions to fire those very boosters to steer clear of the shower's path, but she told me not to. Minutes later a huge rock went past where the station would have been if the booster had fired. Now it was upto me to spacewalk to retrieve the booster and plug it back in before the next shower came, else years and years of hard work put by many will be lost in a moment.

As I put on the suit, I don't feel its weight, maybe too tense and scared. I check the cord, it’s secure. I open the exit hatch, and jump out into the space. I fire the jetpack to steer myself towards the boosters. As I move away from the station, I suddenly realize, it looks like a giant butterfly in the sky. I reach for the boosters, inches away from it, when am suddenly pulled back.

"The station doesn't want you to let go, its pulling you back" she tells me. The chord is too short, the booster has drifted too far away. I am sweating now. "You must let go, it’s the only way."

I see in the distance, a big rock approaching, and a trail of asteroids in its wake.

"Don't be afraid. Everything will be alright. Trust me." she tells me.

I take a deep breath and severe the chord, it stands still for a few moments, as if waiting for me to reconsider my decision, and then pulls away. I fire the jetpacks to reach for the booster. A small blinking yellow meter tells me I don't have enough fuel left in the jetpack. I don't know what to do, so she tells me what to do. I relay a message to mission control, explaining what I am going to do and then disconnect.


I maneuver to the booster. From behind the booster I can see the robotic arm on the right wing, ready to 'catch' the booster, all I have to do is steer the booster towards it. I rest my feet on the booster, bend my knees and push the buttons to fire the jetpack at full throttle... exhausting all its fuel in one go.

What happens when you die in space? Arthur C Clarke once pondered over that question... rather over ghosts of astronauts who die in space. But he never had the perspective I had. I see the booster tumbling towards the robotic arm, ready to catch it. Newton's third law, pushes me further away, right into the path of the big rock. I am going to die.

It is then that I heard her whisper in my head, clearer than ever before... "Butterfly". And it is then, that I see her.

It isn't just a big asteroid, it is a comet, with an icy blue tail. My jetpack runs out of fuel, not that it matters. I stare into the comet, heading right for me. The sounds of boosters firing tells me space station is already steering clear of it.

Blinding white light is reflected off the face of my helmet and am back at the roof, staring down at my sister. This time... I can hear what she is saying.

"I wished for us to be together, always. I wished, to go to a world, where none would take me away from you. I wished, to be a butterfly. I am going, in search of such a world. And one day, I shall come back to take you with me. Remember me, whenever you see a butterfly."

And suddenly the crimson wings catch fire... and she rises up in the air, wings of fire. She herself radiates white fire, and as she flies an icy blue trail behind her.

She is rushing towards me.

The spacesuit begins to cackle and tear away... the helmet melts away... like cocoon, a pupa.

Fire rages through me as my back arches and all of me is set ablaze.

She comes and hugs me.

I feel pain, no more for I am fire itself.

A butterfly with wings of golden fire.

Red rocks whiz past us, like cosmic rose petals, falling down to earth.


Somewhere on earth, a young pair of siblings stares at the cosmic fireworks. A lil girl notices a pair of fiery butterflies in the sky, ephemeral. And when they're gone, she can see a new star near head of Orion, the hunter, and she squeals with delight as she realizes... it’s not a hunter at all, but a butterfly.

DO you believe, in... Anything?